Can You Hear Me Now?

I have always believed that a bathroom serves a couple purposes.  

1. Place to do that thing you are supposed to do in there (number 1 and the deuce)
2. Reading room
3. Resting room
4. Room to play Bejeweled
5. Fortress of solitude
6. watch TV (when staying at a hotel that is ultra cool and has a tv in the potty)

Note, one action I did not list is using the room to carry on a conversation on a cell phone.  No no no no no no no.  

Today, at work, as I sat in a stall taking care of purposes #1, #3, and #4, someone stepped into the stall next to me.  After sitting down, they dialed someone on their cell phone and began an involved conversation.

I was in no mode for this.....so I decided to give him 3.5 minutes to chat and hang up.  Unfortunately,  since he was seemingly just getting started in the conversation after 5 minutes, I decided to take matters into my own hands.  It didn't help that he was laughing loudly during the chat.....very annoying.

So, in retaliation,  I began emitting the typical moans and grunts that a man struggling with a high fiber diet would typically create....only a bit louder (more pained) than is usual.  Then, out of respect for the late Paul Harvey, I would pause for several seconds, offering the chatter a chance to gracefully end their conversation.  

After a couple rounds of moans I heard him say, "no, that's not me".  I almost fell of my throne laughing.

Then, after another round I heard him say, "look, I am going to have to call you back".  

Check and mate, ass wipe.

No one crosses me in my domain......no one.

Oh Hell No

I have seen a lot in the bathrooms at work. Most of which I have shared with everyone. Sites such as (but not limited to):

1. Someone turning around from a urinal with his "sword" in his hand
2. Little poop balls rolling under the stall wall toward me
3. Someone blow their nose with a toilet seat cover
4. A bottle of pop and a plate with a hamburger on it on the floor in a stall
5. Someone peeing on their shoe
6. Abundant "curly hairs" on top of urinals (ok, I was part of the cause of this one).
7. Found a tub of "Tucks" on the back of a toilet
   

Not too long ago I commented to someone that I was pretty sure I had seen it all. Boy, was I wrong.

I had lunch today with Mrs. WHW. I let her choose the venue....so we ate at Noodles. Not a terrible place, just not one of my top 5 choices. After ordering Pad Thai I noticed (for $1.50) you could by a mood ring. Some sort of charity thing. Needless to say I am the proud owner of one. Upon exclaiming to the lady at the register how pleased I was with the ring, I was told by Mrs. WHW that I am likely the most childish 40+ year old on this planet. I think she meant it in a positive way.

Anyway, lunch was good. I cleaned my plate.....as I am supposed to. I returned to work, prepping for a couple tough meetings this afternoon. Then, as is frequently the case after a meal of pasta and spice, the gurgle (human two minute warning) hit.

Upon entering the restroom I saw one of the most disgusting things I have ever seen. There, right in front of me, was a guy standing at the urinal...doing what he was supposed to be doing, with his toothbrush sitting on the top said urinal!! He was one of the heavy duty tooth brushers that seem to brush after every meal, drink and/or snack.

Just so everyone is clear....his TOOTHBRUSH was on top of the URINAL! I almost tossed my Pad!

Then, as if that wasn't enough, after completing his session, he walked over to the sink, washed his hands, then began brushing.

As I sat in the stall thinking about what I saw, I was so disturbed that I could barely concentrate on my game of Bejeweled. And I was on the verge of setting a new personal record. Damn that brusher.

I am beginning to think out houses aren't that bad.

Chocolate Gum Drops

Double post night.

I have often written about how cool the people are that I work with. One of those, who gets very little "air time", is DW. DW and I seem to have a connection when it comes to weird humor.

Each day this week has been progressively harder than the previous (at work). Difficult meeting after difficult meeting. Goof balls that seem to enjoy ticking me off. Blah blah blah.

Anyway, as I got ready to leave today, DW comes over to my desk and tells me that there is a blog post waiting for me in the bathroom. With a build up like that, how could I not investigate?

So, I strolled into the restroom, and took a peek in the stall DW had described as the location. And, what did I see????

There, right in front of me, was a toilet with three little mounds of poo on the seat! Holy %$#@. Not skid marks....but small piles.

In a CSI moment, I took note of the fact that none of them had trails, which would seem to indicate that they were dropped directly onto the seat...no lateral force. Possibly some low hanging fruit fell from the tree.

I immediately started laughing, which I think perked the person's interest in the stall next to the crime scene. As I washed my hands (which I do whenever I enter a restroom) he came out staring at me.

As I walked back to my desk, I lost it again about 10 feet from DW's desk...which triggered him to start laughing. We shared with J-Girl, who did not seem to understand the level of our enjoyment...even after I drew a picture of it on DW's whiteboard.

Sometimes, work is fun.