CAUTION: I am in a bummer mood...have been for several days. I am dumping some of my thoughts into this post in an attempt to lighten up a little. I go through these funks every now and then. It is not my intent to solicit sympathy or bring you, the reader down. If you continue reading, just bear with me.
I have been down for several days now. Lots of crap just weighing on me. Not sure if work is getting to me (lots of people have been hammering on me for several weeks now), seeing things like the poor kids in Chicago die in a terrible fire, or if its simply a mid-life crisis. Whatever it is, I am in the midst of re-evaluating my life...my career, my personality, the purpose of my existence...etc.
First off, what good is my work, other than to help support my wonderful family? It contributes nothing to the good of society. It doesn't produce something that helps people in need. It simply helps a company make money. I greatly admire those of you who have not only decided to do something else with their lives, but have actually acted upon it. I know taking care of my family is important. I just want a career that gives me pride in those 8-10 hours I spend every day away from my family.
Next, I am in search of my spirituality. As a younger man I actually felt a lot closer to God. I was convinced I was connected. Then, as my life became more complicated and my time became more distributed, I lost that connected feeling. I still go to church. I still have a strong faith. But I am in search of the undescribable feeling that I used to have. It is a great feeling.
Then there's the question as to who I really am. The whole adopted thing still blows my mind when I sit down and really think about it. Why didn't I know sooner???? Why won't the biological mother at least talk to me once??? Who am I????
Now, I'm not trying to be a whiner. I know others have a much harder life than me. I have a beautiful family. I have my health. I have a job that allows me to take care of everyone. I never dread getting up the next day. I know my life is a good one. I am just in a bummer mood right now.
No need to comment. This is simply an attempt to empty my head and possibly clear my thoughts.
-WHW/Bill/Phyllis/Aunt Potty/Sal's voice/Spike's Voice
7 comments:
You know, I had the thought this weekend as I was driving back that "I really need to send WHW a mix cd." Well, reading this has just confirmed your need for new music, so be expecting an email. And don't whine to me about the "don't feel sorry for me" thing. I'm not feeling sorry for you, I'm being your friend, daggnabbit!
And not to be a downer myself, but my dad when through this when he was 44. Unfortunately since he died that year it turned out to be an end of life crisis, rather than a middle. I don't have any answers for you, dude. I feel that way myself from time to time and I'm in a job that does help people. It may pass and you may feel yourself again. Or it may be a sign that you need to make a change (even if that change is only to take a vacation). Either way, I'll be pulling for ya, dude.
I think we all go through this from time to time. I know I do. It sounds like you just need a nice, quiet, relaxing vacation away from work for awhile...maybe even away from the family for a day or two...just to help you gain some perspective.
This post wasn't a downer. It's just part of who you are. A normal person who questions things. It's actually nice to see that you aren't always the "guy with the funny stories"! :o)
Hang in there, buddy! You're in my prayers today.
I find the fall particularly hard to deal with. The sun going down quicker all that crap.It sort of gets me down.My own opinion is that it is all the unanswered questions that you have to resolve that have you all in a mixed up mood. It will pass I am sure and you will come out the other side for sure.
YOU DO PERFORM A SERVICE HERE IN YOUR WRITING DEAR WHW!!! When I feel I want a laugh or a lightening mood..what do I do?..I click the old Television and Stuff and waaaah laaaah something like your writing perks me up fast. I am always chuckling during the day thinking of your golden toilet awards or your many views of life through your "animal" reports.DONT YOU EVER EVER think you dont help anyone ..WE WOULD REALLY REALLY be missing you if didn't speak your mind and your thoughts.
I will keep good thoughts for you that you find what it is you are seeking whether it be in yourself and who you really are or in your work to make you happier. You are blessed with such talent..never take it for granted..WE APPRECIATE IT!! : )
We need to get together. Man, all that stuff has just been streaming unendingly (is that a word?) in my brain night and day. I can't concentrate, I can't sleep. I'm a freakin wreck!
I didn't realize you were adopted. That has to be tough. I have all kinds of photo albums, trinkets, and info for DQ's two children that were placed. I know they will be back. I do know the parents, so they will always be able to find me when it's time. They may never really know their bio mom, but I can help them connect.
Let me know if you find the answer. I need one.
: ) Sue
Thank you for your comments. Sucks, but it's tough since it is pretty much a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. Mix the coke and heroin in with that and you have one hot mess. No pill fixes her mental problem. I can only hope she will outgrow it... in about ten years (I'm told). I blame it on her sociopathic bio father jerk. LOL! As long as she doesn't use or torture me, she can do what she wants.
Anyway, I think there are a few of us going through your thought pattern now. chin up. no matter what the sun will rise tomorrow whether you like it or not.
Have a good evening!
I can commiserate on the whole downer thing: you are not alone. Unfortuately for me, my bummer moments usually result in my ass getting broader as I stuff it full of crap. Not especially good for someone going for an exercise science degree, eh?
I hope you'll be seeing brighter days soon, WHW. *hugs*
Great test...thanks for pointing it out. Here are my results:
You Are a Visionary
You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul.
You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.
Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.
You have great vision and can be very insightful.
In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.
Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.
You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer.
Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul
This is a comment you left on my blog back in early July...hope it helps...you do make a difference.
Post a Comment