Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Bummer

CAUTION: I am in a bummer mood...have been for several days.  I am dumping some of my thoughts into this post in an attempt to lighten up a little.  I go through these funks every now and then.  It is not my intent to solicit sympathy or bring you, the reader down.  If you continue reading, just bear with me.

I have been down for several days now.  Lots of crap just weighing on me.  Not sure if work is getting to me (lots of people have been hammering on me for several weeks now), seeing things like the poor kids in Chicago die in a terrible fire, or if its simply a mid-life crisis.  Whatever it is, I am in the midst of re-evaluating my life...my career, my personality, the purpose of my existence...etc.

First off, what good is my work, other than to help support my wonderful family?  It contributes nothing to the good of society.  It doesn't produce something that helps people in need.  It simply helps a company make money.  I greatly admire those of you who have not only decided to do something else with their lives, but have actually acted upon it.  I know taking care of my family is important.  I just want a career that gives me pride in those 8-10 hours I spend every day away from my family. 

Next, I am in search of my spirituality.  As a younger man I actually felt a lot closer to God.  I was convinced I was connected.  Then, as my life became more complicated and my time became more distributed, I lost that connected feeling.  I still go to church.  I still have a strong faith.  But I am in search of the undescribable feeling that I used to have.  It is a great feeling.

Then there's the question as to who I really am.  The whole adopted thing still blows my mind when I sit down and really think about it.  Why didn't I know sooner???? Why won't the biological mother at least talk to me once???  Who am I????

Now, I'm not trying to be a whiner.  I know others have a much harder life than me.  I have a beautiful family.  I have my health.  I have a job that allows me to take care of everyone.  I never dread getting up the next day.  I know my life is a good one.  I am just in a bummer mood right now. 

No need to comment.  This is simply an attempt to empty my head and possibly clear my thoughts.

-WHW/Bill/Phyllis/Aunt Potty/Sal's voice/Spike's Voice

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