Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Who Pissed Off The Elderly?

As my life has evolved, I have found myself ticking off just about every possible group of some time or another. Sometimes it is intentional, other times it isn't.

However, there is one group I have tried my best to not tick off.....the elderly (with one exception that I will explain below). I just feel the elderly deserve respect. So I tone down my smart-assness when around a senior.

That's why this evening has me puzzled. After dropping son #2 off for a band event, I took my laptop and headed over to a Starbucks to try and get some work done. After getting my Java Chip Frappuccino and sitting down, I heard some massive F-bombs being dropped behind me. At first, I thought it was funny. So, as you might expect, I tried eavesdropping. After about 10 more minutes of language that would make a longshoreman blush, I subtly turned to see who was dishing out the smack down. To my shock, it was a sweet looking elderly lady who reminded me of Shirley Booth (from Hazel).

I was shocked. Then, when she noticed my attention, she gave me the "stop staring or get owned" look. I gave her space.

I put on some headphones, got back to work, and put Evil Hazel out of my mind.

Then, upon leaving the Starbucks, I drove through a mall's parking lot. I came up to a lady wanting to go through a cross walk to get to a nice store. Since I'm in a celebrity comparison mood, this lady was a clone of Granny Clampett.

Being the gentleman, I stopped and kindly gestured (with the sideways wave) for her to go across. After several seconds, she finally went a seemingly unnecessary slow pace. As I drove past she was just reaching the sidewalk....I hear her say something about me and a jackass.

Simply put, WTF???

The only thing I can think of is that these two ladies are friends with my arch nemisis in the elderly ranks.....the lady that works at a local Quiznos. This lady, much like the soup nazi, runs rough shot over the place. In a frequent sign of defiance, I will do things that I know tick her put a bag of chips back in the wrong place, leave my chair at the table in an asymmetric position, and throw my basket away with my trash. I have also been known to pick apart the roll my sandwich comes in, and leave lots of crust crumbs on my table.

I wonder if the word of this behavior is getting around the elderly circuit. Maybe I need to go undercover and find out. Or pay an elderly snich.

Then again, why bother. It will be much easier to remember that all groups of people hate me.

Think a trip to Quiznos is in my future.
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