Monday, November 22, 2010

One More Step Leads to Senility

A few months ago I purchased a new belt. This is no ordinary belt. The belt's buckle has a little spring, which allows the belt to be reversible. As many know, reversible is one of those things men love.

Why is a reversible buckle so awesome? Picture yourself early in the morning....struggling to get dressed while half awake. You pull the belt through the loops only to find the buckle backwards. No worry. Simply pull the buckle out a little, turn it, and BAM....belt is good to go. A modern marvel of engineering!

However, there is proving to be a dark side to this boon to mankind. This buckle is making me appear senile. Here's how:

I am a creature of habit and of steps. I empty the dishwasher with a routine. I fold clothes with a routine, and I put my pants on with a routine. This routine has been:
  1. Pull pants up
  2. Fasten button of pants
  3. Buckle belt
  4. Zip pants up
Yes, four distinct, equally important steps. Not three, not five....but four steps. I have had those same four steps for over 40 years. They are proven. They work.

Recently, I have noticed the hinge in my belt buckle is a little loose. Not a lot....but enough. As a result, the buckle almost always needs to be adjusted before buckling. Uh oh.

A simple glance at my process of putting pants on will reflect how this is a problem. For now, when I put pants on (in the morning, after going potty, and other things (wink, wink) my four step program has been changed...much for the worse.
  1. Pull pants up
  2. Fasten button of pants
  3. Adjust buckle
  4. Buckle belt
My pants program HAS to be four steps. It's always been four steps. I'm too old to implement a new pants program.

So, over the past few months I have noticed an alarming habit of going out and about with the barn door open. And, by alarming I mean about 30 times. Many might see this as an early indication of me becoming "that weird old man". While I still may be destined for that role, this is not the onset....not yet.

Few will know what you know....the cursed buckle has claimed yet another re-pantsing.

If you happen to see me walking down the street, in the halls, etc. and my fly is open, don't bother telling me. I probably already know it.

Wonder if suspenders would be better. Nanoo Nanoo.

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