Monday, August 21, 2006

Take My Wife, Please....

Being an internet video junky, I find myself watching a lot of interesting video clips these days.  Currently, I have been watching Ali G clips, Dave Chapelle clips, stupid people stunts (some intentional, some not), and stand up comedy clips.

It is this last type of clip that I wish to discuss.  Now, I can remember watching some incredibly funny people on the Tonight Show...the one hosted by Johnny Carson.  Such brilliant comedians as David Letterman, Robin Williams, Jay Leno, Rosanne Barr, Emo Phillips, Steven Wright, Rodney Dangerfield, Bob Hope, and even Johnny himself.  Now, possibly my advanced age has altered my perception, but I sure do remember those guys being a heck of a lot funnier than most of what I am seeing today.

But of course, I was frequently told growing up...."Don't criticize others if you can't do it better yourself".  So, with the deepest respect to my mother and her rules, here is a little bit of my stand-up....

Announcer: And now, hailing from parts unknown, is a new comedian.  He just finished a successful 3 week stay at the Funny Bone.  Please welcome Justin Jest!!!

Me(Justin): Hey, thank you.  It sure is great to be here...wherever here is. 

I flew in last night.  This was the first time I have flown in a long time.  It seems they have stopped serving food on most flights.  Wonder how many complaints that move triggered.  "Yes, I would like to lodge a complaint.  I demand to have a turkey sandwich that tastes like a ziplock bag on my flight. "

Ha.

And speaking of food, what's up with these people who are protesting McDonalds because they just learned that MacDonalds wasn't listing all the fat in their french fries?  So, were they expecting to see the words "whole-grain" or "natural goodness" on the ingredients list???"

Ha Ha....

Do you ever take a good look at ingredients lists on cans of food.  Almost everything says "...and other natural flavors".  Now, I can think of a lof of "natural flavors" I don't want in any food I'm eating...if you know what I mean.

Now, my cousin is allergic to peanuts.  So he has to carefully read ingredients to make sure he doesn't get peanuts in his food.  I'm not sure, but manufacturers must think that a peanut allergy translates into a buffoon.  Why else would there be a warning on a Peanut Chex Mix bag regarding its preparation near peanuts??  Can't be much nearer than inside the bag, can it.

Zing.

And finally, what's the deal with these gas prices?  I think we need to explore other forms of natural gas to use as a fuel.  I nominate my oldest son's room as a site for early drilling.  Based on my smell-o-rama test, there is a lot of gas in that room....

Hey, thanks for being a great audience.  Be sure to tip your waiter...and your cook.

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