Monday, January 15, 2007

Oh, #!!&!&^%

I like to pride myself on having some control over my vocabulary. Yes, I do use a-hole and damn it too much....but it takes a lot to pull "The Big One" out of me. And in today's world, you hear that word way too sports, PG-13 movies, and occasionally in meetings at work.

For those of you who are wondering, here are the most common ways "Da Bomb" gets pulled out of me:
  • Home repair (Ceiling Fans): First off, I suck at home repair. Second, we have a 100 year old house. So, there are several aspects of home repair that pull the F out of me. One of the most common is when I am trying to hang a ceiling fan. Keep in mind my house's wood is likely just a couple years away from being classified as petrified. that means, even if I predrill holes, when it comes time to drill a screw into the ceiling, the $%#@ screw gets about two-thirds the way in, then stops.
  • Home repair (painting): I have never been overly coordinated. This can become a serious problem when you are painting tight, enclosed areas. For example, as I painted a closet last week I ended up with patches of what appeared to me to be lavendar paint in my hair. Each time my head touched the wall, Mr. F made an appearance.
  • When I Get Lost: It IS a man thing to not ask for directions. And when I am in a hurry to get somewhere, the last thing I want is to have no %^$#ing clue where I am going.
  • When Cooking Goes Bad: Last week I was making frozen pizzas for supper. The really good kind...with the rising dough, When I went to pull one out of the oven, it slide off the stone and fell onto the $%@&^%ing stove door.
  • Kids Being Sick: Now, I never direct the word at the kids. That is totally unacceptable...but when I am downstairs and I hear "that sound" upstairs, Mr. F comes out very easily.
  • Home Repair (Wiring): I can usually handle wiring a new switch or replacing an outlet...but when my handywork triggers a fuse to blow....FFFF is in the neighborhood.
  • Laundry Woes: Sometimes I do the laundry. Usually, I forget to go through everyone's pockets. This is bad. Last time I pulled out a load of clothes and saw green blotches on everything...and a busted green ink pen sitting in the washing machine, F-a-roosky is around the corner.
  • Software Failures: I am typing a blog entry. IE locks up. F-Bomb as I stop task.
  • Home Repair (Plumbing): Nothing pulls my F-string faster than being under the sink "fixing" it, when a cascade of water comes down on my face.

I know the list looks long, but I think overall I am pretty good about controlling the demon. Never is it delivered to the kids or Mrs. WHW....never at sporting events....never at family get togethers.

I give myself a f'ing A!

Addendum: Having just bent my fingernail back while reaching into a clothes basket, I have another to add to my list.

Post a Comment

Meet The New Boss - Same As The Old Boss

Remember when this blog used to be your go-to source for juvenile stories focusing on bathroom experiences, weird personal encounters, and a...