Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Understanding Men

It has been pointed out to me on several occasions that many women read this blog...which I think is cool. Of course, I have always thrived with women in this type of situation....1,000 miles away from them....not needing to make eye contact.

As a public service to this audience, I would like to provide a quick overview on how to understand men. Understanding men is quite easy once you are provided some of the basic, lesser known universal man facts. Since I have been a man all my life...and that there are six of us in this house, I feel I am speaking not only with some authority, but with some statistical backing. Yes, I understand that this thought process is a horrible exercise in stereotyping.

With that in mind, here are my Top 13 Lesser Known Universal Man Facts
  1. Men love electronics. Be it a TV remote, a computer, a stereo, a Gameboy, even an rc car or an old Atari, we love them. Best Buy is nirvana.
  2. Men love FREE...anything. We will drive miles for free. In a grocery store we will stand for hours and eat free samples. And, speaking personally, we not only love free, we love to tell others about our free stuff.
  3. Men love reversable. It could be a reversable shirt, shorts, coat, etc. When given a choice, we will choose reversable 100% of the time.
  4. Men love the Stooges...duh.
  5. Men love throwing rocks, apples, walnuts, snowballs, etc.
  6. Men communicate best via noises...grunts, belches, etc. Words are a waste of effort.
  7. Men love TV....maybe not the same programs, but they love TV
  8. Men love supersize meals...more for less (tied to #2)
  9. Men love playing in dirt...or even better, mud.
  10. Men feel compelled to stay out in a storm much longer than they should....and must go back out into it before it is truely safe.
  11. Deep down inside, men do like to watch soap operas. Victor Newman, you dog.
  12. Men love comics in the newspaper. Hagar is always popular.
  13. Men love to cook with the microwave....and they will try to cook almost anything in it. It is fast, less mess, and can create some cool effects while in the microwave.

Of course, I steered clear of many of the obvious man things. But, if they are really obvious, they don't need stating.

Hopefully, I have captured some of the mystic of manhood here in this list. Stand up men....be proud....wear that reversable shirt with pride as you watch The Young and the Restless and eat the pot pie you made in the microwave.
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