Recently, J-Girl and I were at a meeting with a large number of people. I chose to sit near one of the doors in case I wanted to sneak out. She sat next to me. As the leader of the meeting closed the door next to me....IT HIT. Someone had apparently digested the broccoli, califlower, and hot pepper wrap at lunch time, because they were ripping the ripe ones. It almost burned my eyebrows off. If you knew how thick my eyebrows are, you would be impressed.
Anyway, as is frequently the routine, this foul event lead me and J-Girl (and later Kirby and DW) down a discussion path of ways to conceal/have fun with flatulance. Here were a few I came up with:
- As you break while walking, drag your shoe on the floor to create a diversion. Take a turn quickly, even if it isn't in the direction you are heading.
- In a store, go down an empty aisle, deposit the offensive drop shot, then scramble to the end of the aisle to watch someone innocently stroll through the cloud. I compared this to the old Star Trek episode with the killer space cloud.
- Dutch Oven. This is the most current term for ripping under the covers, then pulling over Mrs' head. As funny as it sounds, I am pretty sure, in the "anals" of history, this has never been found funny by the victim. NEVER.
- The men's urinal is always an approved place to chop the wood. Once you cross that imaginary wall of manners when you enter a men's restroom, all bets are off. Welcome to Neanderthal 101, my friend.
- In the car, when you are alone. Best if done in a car with a sun roof. Helps create the necessary airflow.
I am sure others have their own style for dealing with this. If I haven't completely offended you, please feel free to give me some cool ideas in the comments.
Footnote: This is the final post of July....which means, after this post I will stop using a tag of Pete. Inside joke....so inside, not even Pete gets it. I think I barely get it.