Friday, May 23, 2008

The Water is Cold and Deep

Recently I had the pleasure of attending a tech conference in Orlando. The weather was perfect, several of the sessions were very informative, and there was free beer one night.

Yes, free beer. A tech conference happy hour with free beer. It is the adult equivalent to Christmas Day. Throw in free hot wings, egg rolls, and Internet access, and you have techie nirvana.

I attended the conference with Kirby and team newbie EZE. EZE is a young, energetic fellow....who is very social. He was enjoying each evening, after conference sessions were completed. Refusing to accept the fact that I am old, I decided to keep up with him the night of the free beer. Bad, bad idea.

I had several beers (in the neighborhood of 9 or 10) and was feeling really good. The fact that the happy hour was in the conference hotel, and we were staying there made the baby binge acceptable to need to drive or get a ride.

Anyway, I hung with EZE until around midnight....then decided I had proven myself. When I got up to the hotel room, tasks #1, #2, #4, and #5 were to take a leak. Task #3 was brush my teeth. I can not stand to sleep without first brushing my teeth. Even sporting a descent buzz didn't change that little quirk of mine.

I took care of all tasks, then collapsed on the bed. Around 3:3o am nature once again called. So, in the complete darkness of an unfamiliar room, I made my way to the bathroom. As is ALWAYS the process when I conduct a pre-dawn pee, I proceeded to "plop" down on to the throne. Unfortunately, that's when things went bad.

For, as I executed task #5 (4th pee after returning to room prior to sleeping) I did a standie. So, Mr. toilet seat had been placed up. Apparently, in my haste to wrap up task #5, I failed to execute the critical step of returning the seat to the down position.

In a nutshell, I got a nice butt wash in the middle of the night. Hopefully, the walls of the hotel room were somewhat insulated. If not, I apologize if you were staying in a nice hotel next to Universal last week and heard what sounded like a huge fish splashing, then cursing in a pool of water.

From the pages of "Duh!" magazine, getting old and getting your ass wet with toilet water at 3:30 am sucks....even in a cool place like Orlando.


Dory said...

OMGosh! That sucks, in the worst way. Hence the age-old complaint from women who have men that constantly leave the seat up!

I gotta tell you - you said 9 or 10 beers and you were *feeling really good*? Wow... I don't know about EZE but, I'm impressed.

What I want to know is, how'd you feel the next day? Other than the clean hiney, I mean. ;o)

Stacy said...

Only you would do something like that. My family thinks I am nuts, sitting at the computer, laughing my butt off.

Andi said...

hahahahahahahah!!! I'm not laughing at you ... oh, I can't lie, I AM laughing at you.

If that happened to more men, maybe they'd understand why we ask them to put the seat down when they're finished!

Guinevere said...

'Sup, B?

LOL I hope you understand about the whole "put the seat down" thing with us women! lol TOOOOOOOO funny!

I'm with Dory on this one...what about the next morning??? ;o)

WHW said...

Oh, I have a new appreciation for the "Lid Down" argument.

And, for all those "concerned", the shower hurt my head the next morning.

Growing old really, really sucks.


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