Friday, May 23, 2008

The Water is Cold and Deep

Recently I had the pleasure of attending a tech conference in Orlando. The weather was perfect, several of the sessions were very informative, and there was free beer one night.

Yes, free beer. A tech conference happy hour with free beer. It is the adult equivalent to Christmas Day. Throw in free hot wings, egg rolls, and Internet access, and you have techie nirvana.

I attended the conference with Kirby and team newbie EZE. EZE is a young, energetic fellow....who is very social. He was enjoying each evening, after conference sessions were completed. Refusing to accept the fact that I am old, I decided to keep up with him the night of the free beer. Bad, bad idea.

I had several beers (in the neighborhood of 9 or 10) and was feeling really good. The fact that the happy hour was in the conference hotel, and we were staying there made the baby binge acceptable to me....no need to drive or get a ride.

Anyway, I hung with EZE until around midnight....then decided I had proven myself. When I got up to the hotel room, tasks #1, #2, #4, and #5 were to take a leak. Task #3 was brush my teeth. I can not stand to sleep without first brushing my teeth. Even sporting a descent buzz didn't change that little quirk of mine.

I took care of all tasks, then collapsed on the bed. Around 3:3o am nature once again called. So, in the complete darkness of an unfamiliar room, I made my way to the bathroom. As is ALWAYS the process when I conduct a pre-dawn pee, I proceeded to "plop" down on to the throne. Unfortunately, that's when things went bad.

For, as I executed task #5 (4th pee after returning to room prior to sleeping) I did a standie. So, Mr. toilet seat had been placed up. Apparently, in my haste to wrap up task #5, I failed to execute the critical step of returning the seat to the down position.

In a nutshell, I got a nice butt wash in the middle of the night. Hopefully, the walls of the hotel room were somewhat insulated. If not, I apologize if you were staying in a nice hotel next to Universal last week and heard what sounded like a huge fish splashing, then cursing in a pool of water.

From the pages of "Duh!" magazine, getting old and getting your ass wet with toilet water at 3:30 am sucks....even in a cool place like Orlando.
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