Please Don't Hurt 'Em, Potty

A long posting drought + a special request from a few very nice people brings us to a new installment of Ask Aunt Potty, hosted by the only online toilet etiquette expert in the world.  Take it away AP.......

Hello one and all.  This is Aunt Potty, your lavatory virtuoso.  I am stepping out of semi-retirement to offer up some commode wisdom.

Today, I want to tackle a particularly delicate topic.....how should one inform others (spouse, coworker, host, etc.) when they need to step away to drop a meadow muffin....in a socially acceptable way.

Many might say you simple excuse yourself, and wander off to take care of business.  WRONG. 

I am here to tell you that words matter....and your choice of words in this situation is extremely critical to ensuring no one is offended, confused, or worried about you.   Many of you either try to dance around the words....or blurt out one of those words that would embarrass a sailor.

As a rule of thumb, the more poetic or cryptic you can be, the better  For example,if you say any of these I promise others around you will be both appreciative as well as amused.....

1. Pinch a loaf
2. Sending some boaties to some floaties
3. Backing the bus out of the garage
4. Dropping the kids off at the pool
5. Knitting a brown sweater
6. Clearing the hallways

On the other hand, use any of these and you will likely find yourself battling the family pet for a place to feed the fish.....

1. Squeezing a chocolate bar
2. Go caca
3. Drop a dime
4. Copping a squat
5. Chopping some butt wood
6. Going logging

These lists are, by no means all inclusive. Please feel free in the comments section to share words you have found to be effective.  I'm sure your fellow PottyHeads will appreciate the sharing.

Until next time....here's hoping you always are successful at taking the browns to the super bowl.

~AP