I'm sure most of you have forgotten about me. It has been quite a while since I last posted some thoughts on powder room etiquette. Before we get going, here's a short summary of me, from a long-ago post:
- I am 4'5"
- No, my hair is not blue
- I won't tell you my age, but as a hint, I do remember using an out-house and the Sears catalog (not just to read)
- I attended a one room school house where I learned the 3 R's....reading, wRiting, and rectum (goodness, can I say rectum???)
- I married at 19 to my school sweetheart, John Potty. John was a true gentleman in almost every regard....except for the flatulence/bed covers thing. I believe the term is "dutch oven". You kids today and your terms.
- John died in a tragic gas related accident. Methane is an awful, awful thing.
- I love to read...I read everywhere. However, once a book crosses the line into the bathroom, it stays there.
- I had nine brothers....and our house had one bathroom
- Because of the number of brothers I had, I decided to dedicate my life to proper manners related to the bathroom.
- I have written two books which are unfortunately out of print. They were entitled "Dirty Hands, Evil Hands" and "Excuse Me, This Isn't a Zoo!"
- To me, the two worse things to do in the bathroom are 1) not wash up afterwards 2) leave a nasty "tootsie roll" behind for the next occupant. Sweet mother of the throne, those things are an awful discovery.
- I love my rocking chair.
- My favorite color is yellow.
- My favorite movie is, believe it or not, Lethal Weapon 2.
- I think Dear Abbey is smug....as is that Bill O'Reilly
- I have approx. 30 cats.
- My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving
- I can't stand any music but hair band music. Long live Dokken!!!
- I drive a Trans Am much like that frisky Burt Reynolds drove in "Smokey and the Bandit". May Burt rest in peace.
And in case anyone is wondering, I sadly had my Twitter account suspended. Those turd-heads claim I violated one or more of their policies. I guess their precious platform cannot handle frank talk about stink pickles, and the like. Quite frankly, I don't want to be part of a social network where we can't talk openly about stinkable Molly Browns or eskimo popsicles.
With all that out of the way, here is this post's viewer question:
"Dear P Dog, I have a couple coworkers who have an annoying habit. These coworkers prefer to 'small potty' standing in stalls rather than at urinals. That doesn't bother me. However, they NEVER latch the stall door when they go in to drain the spuds. Since neither worker is particularly tall, on more than one occasion I have stormed into a stall, mid pee, which completely annoys me. Am I being too sensitive? Thanks. - J Wizz".
Thanks for the question, Mr. Wizz. Your coworkers are definitely not being good community wee wee-ers. You should be able to confidently navigate a bathroom at work with no worries of seeing a coworker, sword in hand. I suggest breaking them of the habit much like I would one of my cats who might have a bad habit. Carefully stalk each coworker, waiting for them to enter a stall. Once they have, and trouw has been dropped, violently kick open the door and scream, "Latch the damn door!!". After a couple of these reminders, I promise you they will remember to hook the door. In fact, they will also likely learn to pee with one foot on the ground and the other behind them, firmly against the door. One suggestion...you may want to wear some protective clothing around our pants and shoes when you engage them. A stream will likely head your way when you kick the door in. #ProTip. Hope this helps.
With that, I bid everyone a farewell. Until next time, best of luck in the land of porcelain.
~ A. Potty
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