Monday, November 06, 2006

Two For The Price of None

I'm in a "talkative" mood tonight.
Like to call out PMaroun. P, the link, was a great link. Thanks buddy.

And speaking of P. Last week, P bummed a ride off of me, and seemed to thoroughly enjoy a book I happened to have in the car. Since P is about the fourth person who liked the book, I thought I would share it with everyone.

About two months ago, as several of my young ones went through the kids section of the local Barnes and Noble, I spent a few minutes in the Comedy section. While there, I stumbled upon an incredibly good book. The title of the book is "The Comedy Thesaurus", by Judy Brown. It is a wonderful compilation of jokes from some of the best comedians of all time. Here is the cover of the book:

The entire book, over 450 pages, is joke after joke, organized by subject. I have no connection to the author/publisher/editor. I have simply found the book to make me laugh, as well as many of my friends, including P.

So, in order to wet your apetite, here are but a few jokes from the book:

  1. A man doesn't know what real happiness is until he is married. Then it's too late - Henny Youngman
  2. The world is coming to an end. The world's best golfer is black, and the world's best rapper is white. - Chris Rock
  3. The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public. - Phylis Diller
  4. I'm on decaf now. What I miss most is the road rage. - David Letterman
  5. I figure the only time I really need a man is about once a month, when it's time to flip my mattress. - Pamela Yager
  6. If you're a guy and you ask for a doggie bag on a date, you might as well have them wrap up your genitals, too. You're not going to be needing those for a while, either. - Jerry Seinfeld
  7. I saw a personal ad that looked interesting. It said she loved long walks, running on the beach, going to parks. As it turned out, she was a German shepard. - David Corrado
  8. I grew up in such a tough neighborhood. I remember laying in bed at night and looking up at the stars and thinking, like - "where the hell's the roof??" - Rocky La Porte
  9. My mom always said, "Men are like linoleum floors. You lay them right, and you can walk on them for thirty years." - Brett Butler
  10. The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vaccuum cleaner. - Roseanne Barr
  11. On Halloween I ran out of candy and had to give the kids nicotine gum - David Letterman
  12. People in hell; where do they tell someone to go? - Red Skelton
  13. You know the good thing about gangs is, they carpool. - John Mendoza
  14. I started a grease fire at McDonalds. Threw a match in the cook's hair. - Steve Martin
  15. Secret Service guys are very brave. In what other job are you asked to take a bullet for your boss? Well, other than working at 7-Eleven. - Jay Leno

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