Sunday, December 17, 2006

"Count Chocula....What's the deal??? Are we supposed to be scared of him?"

A few posts ago I mentioned Jerry Seinfeld as one of my favorite comedians. I liked his stand-up act long before his TV show. A few have questioned me on this. So, as a public service, here are some Seinfeld quotes that help explain my position:

  1. Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
  2. I once had a leather jacket that got ruined in the rain. Why does moisture ruin leather? Aren't cows outside a lot of the time? When it's raining, do cows go up to the farmhouse, "Let us in! We're all wearing leather! Open the door! We're going to ruin the whole outfit here!"
  3. Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
  4. Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
  5. According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.
  6. Jerry on socks: The dryer is their only chance to escape and they all know it. They plan it in the hamper the night before. "Tomorrow, the dryer. I'm going."
  7. The Chalk Outline guy's got a good job. Not too dangerous, the criminals are long gone. I guess these are people who wanted to be sketch artists but they couldn't draw very well. "Uh, listen, Jon, forget the sketches, do you think if we left the dead body right there on the sidewalk you could manage to trace around it?"
  8. Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason
  9. Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash
  10. There is no such thing as fun for the whole family
  11. You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, "See if you can blow this out."”

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