Saturday, July 28, 2007

I Blame Bush, Cheney, the Republicans, the Democrats, Bill Clinton, and Barry Bonds

I don't know where to start.

First, here is the story. To put it bluntly, WTF??!!

How in the hell can this happen? It can't be because of low readership....I buy it quite frequently. It can't be because it is expensive to make....I would think completely fabricating stories would be inexpensive. Only need to flip for a copy of Photoshop and Publisher. It can't be because they "stepped on some toes"....unless aliens have toes.

Let's face it, the Enquirer just takes itself too seriously. When was the last time they ran a story about a redneck vampire stalking a trailer park??? Including a picture of him missing a couple front teeth (between the fangs) and sporting a John Deere cap.

I'm not sure what I will read now, when I find myself at Walmart at 11:45 PM, waiting in the only checkout line open. It was the WWN that helped me avoid eye contact. It was my only hope to avoid interacting with "my peeps" who are regulars at Wally World.

Only once was I approached while reading it. I remember it like yesterday. It was right after son #3 was born. We were out of a lot of groceries, it was very late, and Z-Dog and Mom had just fallen asleep. I headed off to Walmart at around midnight. As I stood in line to be checked out, an argument started at the front of the line about a scanned price. In an attempt to avoid the usual turn around chat, I grabbed the WWN and started thumbing through it. The next thing I know, the lady behind me says, "Can you believe Elvis and JFK are in a nursing home?". Yes, that was the cover of JFK and Elvis in wheelchairs with nurses pushing them around. I nodded and said, "Yea, they are under government protection from the mob." She just stared, and fortunately I was able to move up and get checked out.

Oh well, I guess I need to start reading those tiny horoscope books while in line. It just won't be the same.

Goodbye, old friend.

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