Thursday, July 12, 2007

Me vs Spike

Tonight, a Point/ vs Spike, my dog.


Eating Baby Birds is Gross
by WHW
Spike, I go out of my way to buy you healthy food. The vet has said it should be good tasting (have no idea how she knows that). Yes, I know I tried Walmart's Old Roy, but I got the message when you knocked your bowl over 3 days in a row.

So why do you still feel compelled to eat baby birds? You can't be hungry. I make sure you have plenty every night. I frequently give you a treat for walks that are uneventful. I know the boys sneak additional helpings of food to you during the day.

So what gives?

Yesterday evening, when I went out and saw you chomping down on those baby birds, I thought I was going to lose it. Just because they fell out of the nest doesn't mean you have to eat them.

That is just gross, dude.


Damn, You Are A Huge Puss!
By Spike
Before I start, I want it known that I do not like the fact that I am getting second billing in the title. WHW, do you think people are now coming here in droves to read you?? Yea, right. Next, I want to call out my fav librarian. Hey, CL....I dig your mentions for the Spikester. Keep it real (and put me in your next Tour!)

Now, let's address your stupid point, WHW. First, the vet may claim this dog food tastes good, but I am here to say it, it sucks monsters. It smells like the dumb cats' liter box....and tastes like packing peanuts, sticks, and slugs. I eat it because I don't find starving to death all that appealing. However, you bring back the Ol' Roy shit and I may revisit my position on starving.

As for the birds...I have given you this lecturer over and over. It is the freakin circle of life. Remember Lion King??? Remember Mufasa explaining to Simba how important all of nature's creatures are? Well, this is the circle of life in 3-D, buddy. Get used to it. The birds lay too many eggs. The nest is too crowded. Too many baby birds in the nest. Some fall out. Spike gets something to eat that resembles normal food. Nice tight circle, isn't it Marlin Perkins?

I will tell you what is gross. The bathroom story you told me Tuesday night on our walk. I really do not want to know about your stall neighor's gas that could peel paint. Now that is gross....even to an animal that eats his own poo.

Next time you get ill watching me eat a bird I suggest you go back inside and stick your pacifier back into your mouth.

WHW = Huge Puss.
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