Monday, March 02, 2009

Can You Hear Me Now?

I have always believed that a bathroom serves a couple purposes.  
  1. Place to do that thing you are supposed to do in there (number 1 and the deuce)
  2. Reading room
  3. Resting room
  4. Room to play Bejeweled
  5. Fortress of solitude
  6. watch TV (when staying at a hotel that is ultra cool and has a tv in the potty)
Note, one action I did not list is using the room to carry on a conversation on a cell phone.  No no no no no no no.  

Today, at work, as I sat in a stall taking care of purposes #1, #3, and #4, someone stepped into the stall next to me.  After sitting down, they dialed someone on their cell phone and began an involved conversation.

I was in no mode for this.....so I decided to give him 3.5 minutes to chat and hang up.  Unfortunately,  since he was seemingly just getting started in the conversation after 5 minutes, I decided to take matters into my own hands.  It didn't help that he was laughing loudly during the chat.....very annoying.

So, in retaliation,  I began emitting the typical moans and grunts that a man struggling with a high fiber diet would typically create....only a bit louder (more pained) than is usual.  Then, out of respect for the late Paul Harvey, I would pause for several seconds, offering the chatter a chance to gracefully end their conversation.  

After a couple rounds of moans I heard him say, "no, that's not me".  I almost fell of my throne laughing.

Then, after another round I heard him say, "look, I am going to have to call you back".  

Check and mate, ass wipe.

No one crosses me in my domain......no one.

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