Friday, May 21, 2010

Everyone Has Been Warned

I live in a world of contradictions. Probably the most cruel of these is the fact that
  1. I hate home improvement projects. I am not a handy man. I have no skills, no talents, no cool tools that would make me even want to do home improvement.
  2. We own a 100 year old home
With these two very extreme facts in mind, enter the situation I am currently where we need to fix the house up quite a bit. Over the past month or two I have had a lengthy list of projects I need to complete, along with an aggressive time frame to complete them.

So, after another day of scraping wallpaper, painting around windows, and cleaning up messes (with several more to go), I have reached a tipping point. To help relieve my internal pressure, I have created the following list/warning.

Please heed this list, pass it on to your friends and loved ones.....

If I see any of the following during the next three (3) months, I cannot be held responsible for my actions

1. Paint
2. Paint rollers
3. Paint brushes
4. Dif
5. Drop clothes
6. shop vac
7. Wallpaper
8. Discarded wallpaper shreds, sticky from Dif
9. plaster walls with cracks/divots
10. wallpaper scraper
11. Oops
12. spiders
13. pink insulation
14. birds/bird nests
15. drywall
16. polyurethane
17. Dust
18. an old house (over 19 years old)
19. anything related to a home's wiring
20. sandpaper
21. the fluffy, light wall patch stuff
22. a putty knife
23. my clothes from more than 7 years ago
24. Bills/cancelled checks from 1988 or earlier
25. paint thinner

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