Friday, May 21, 2010

Everyone Has Been Warned

I live in a world of contradictions. Probably the most cruel of these is the fact that
  1. I hate home improvement projects. I am not a handy man. I have no skills, no talents, no cool tools that would make me even want to do home improvement.
  2. We own a 100 year old home
With these two very extreme facts in mind, enter the situation I am currently in....one where we need to fix the house up quite a bit. Over the past month or two I have had a lengthy list of projects I need to complete, along with an aggressive time frame to complete them.

So, after another day of scraping wallpaper, painting around windows, and cleaning up messes (with several more to go), I have reached a tipping point. To help relieve my internal pressure, I have created the following list/warning.

Please heed this list, pass it on to your friends and loved ones.....


If I see any of the following during the next three (3) months, I cannot be held responsible for my actions

1. Paint
2. Paint rollers
3. Paint brushes
4. Dif
5. Drop clothes
6. shop vac
7. Wallpaper
8. Discarded wallpaper shreds, sticky from Dif
9. plaster walls with cracks/divots
10. wallpaper scraper
11. Oops
12. spiders
13. pink insulation
14. birds/bird nests
15. drywall
16. polyurethane
17. Dust
18. an old house (over 19 years old)
19. anything related to a home's wiring
20. sandpaper
21. the fluffy, light wall patch stuff
22. a putty knife
23. my clothes from more than 7 years ago
24. Bills/cancelled checks from 1988 or earlier
25. paint thinner

8 comments:

Dory said...

You crack me up. Not exactly sure how spiders, birds & nests, old clothes and old canceled checks made this list....

bwmson said...

Believe me....they belong on the list.

Dory said...

So.... I'm guessing this means you don't volunteer to help me paint my cabinets huh? :o)

bwmson said...

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha NO.

Guinevere said...

Bill, this sounds WAY too familiar! We just moved out of our 100+ year old house almost 4 years ago and all I can say is, "THANK HEAVEN WE DON'T HAVE TO MESS WITH IT ANYMORE!" The house we bought was only 6 years old and it's wonderful!!! Good luck on your projects. Been there, done that, will never go back. lol I feel for you, buddy. I really do!!! :o)

Shannon said...

Dude I am so with you. Wallpaper removal is what I think people in hell will be doing. Seriously.

Kip said...

You would think that after all you have done on that house of yours you would be an expert at home improvement and be helping others.

mumof3boyz said...

I totally get the bills/cancelled checks thing. When my mum sold her very old house and was moving to her brand spanking new just built house we had to halp clean the attic. She had every paid bill matched, cancelled check, bank statement and ALL of the papers my sister and I ever brough home from school. Let's just say there was a huge bonfire.

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