Men are From Best Buy And Women are From Bed, Bath and Beyond

My wife has been doing some work from home to help us make ends me. Being a very smart person and a hard worker, she has had some respectable success with her business.

Recently, she decided to spend some of her earnings on a moderately priced laptop. Much of her business relies on email, updating her web site, entering orders, etc. Made good sense.

So, last weekend we went to a local store to buy a laptop. We found a very nice Toshiba for her. After the purchase, we ran a couple more errands, then headed home.

This is where we hit the gender fork in the road. For when we arrived home, she placed the box containing the laptop behind the desk. Then she said, "I'll open it later".

WHAT!!!!!!!! Noooooooooo.

I calmly explained to her that it would make my head explode if she didn't open the laptop immediately and start it up. I told her that, in my world, you cannot leave a monster purchase like a laptop sitting in its box at home for any measurable amount of time. She looked at me, smiled, and walked upstairs.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! This can't be happening.

She came down about 20 minutes later to see me sitting at the dining room table, staring at the computer box. Since she bought the laptop with her work money, I knew it would be completely wrong for me to open it up.

She then told me she was heading over to her friend's house for a while. WTF???

I tried everything to forget about the PC. Pulled weeds, changed light bulbs, etc. But all I could hear was that dual core processor crying to be powered up. "Please, turn me on. Let me start using those 3 gigabytes of memory. Please"....is what I heard.

Finally, my wife returned home. I think she felt she had her fun, so she unboxed and powered up the little beast. I was able to breath again.

I swear, if she decides she wants an iPhone I am going to eat some rat poison. It would be a quicker death.

Goodbye, Old Friend

It is tough saying goodbye to an old friend. One that you grew up with. One that has been there for the tough times as well as the good times.

Unfortunately, as of tonight, I have to say goodbye to one of my best friends.

Goodbye, steak.

I know it seems drastic. But, the deal was sealed tonight. For tonight was son #2's swim team awards banquet. As Mrs. WHW was unable to go, I was going it alone with JL. The program was at a local steak place. Not just any steak place....but one where you pick the steak, you grill the steak, and you eat the steak; along with ample amounts of Texas toast, salad bar, bake potatoes, and Pepsi.

I had not been here for quite some time. I used to love easting here. When I was on my own, and lived off of happy hour food, this place's steak kabobs were the best. Those and the 24 oz beers.

Anyway, tonight I splurged. I got a nice big steak and enjoyed it. Bigger than I probably should have gotten....ok, drop the probably.

Afterwards, I had to run over to Best Buy and to Kroger before arriving home. Unfortunately, about 5 miles from home the human 2 minute warning hit me. JL insisted we drive the remaining miles with the windows down.

When I got home, I power-walked up the stairs. As I blew past Mrs. WHW she snickered and said something about the exhaust fan. The entire walk upstairs is still a blur to me. When you focus every portion of your mind to "flexing" the sphincter, other portions of the brain have to shut down temporarily. Just a fact of anatomy.

I won't go into gory details of the potty time....only to say I was so desperate for reading material that I asked one of the kids to bring in a couple Highlights.

Yes, that is sad.

I can no longer deal with this pain. I must say goodbye to steaks. It hurts to say goodbye, but it hurts more to lose feeling in your feet while going big potty.